My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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