If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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