Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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