I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
