sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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