so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize