porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have grass duct taped all over my body
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
