you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex on a dog bed..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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