Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
FUCK WHALES
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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