we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
