"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
