Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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