i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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