just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
