We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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