i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
