Operation Purity has been aborted
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
