Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
