It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
