I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
