i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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