The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
