We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
