big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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