So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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