mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
