AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just pee around me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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