I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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