he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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