my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
