when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
