margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
