Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize