Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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