he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
