ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
