What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
