man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
