Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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