I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize