I just made out with a guy for $7.
i love accidental penises.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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