Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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