My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
