pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
