I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
