I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize