She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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