Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
