just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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