I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They have beer where we have blood.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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