I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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