Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
