so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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