she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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