Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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