I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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