They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
