its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
