where am i from again
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
