I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
