beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
