This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
