he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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