I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
