you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the day after is always just damage control
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
