It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you didnt know i had herpes?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
