shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
