I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
not ubering you a puppy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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