May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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