just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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