I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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