Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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