do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
