Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
