ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
