8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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