I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize
