if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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