Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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