dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
