the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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