Don't you send me to vm
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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