Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
