Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
