Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Randomize
