oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
