I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
