these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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