She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
