Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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