You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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