I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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