if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize