If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
