i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
