Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
