First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
