it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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