i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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