I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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