dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
