so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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