In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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