I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
