I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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