Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
