So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
