my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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