I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
