So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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